Teacher was teaching Mahabagavatha to 6th std students.
"Kansa heard Devaki's 8th son would kill him.So he put Devaki & Vasudev in prison."
1st child was born. Kansa killed him by poison.
2nd was born and Kansa killed him by sword.
3rd was born and so on...
At this point a boy raised his hand for a doubt.
Teacher : What?
Boy : "If Kansa knew that the 8th son would kill him, Why did he kept Devaki & Vasudev in same Jail?"
Teacher fainted !!
Generation gap, but common sense !
1) What is the cube of 13?
Ans : SUROOR
wondering how?
Thats bcoz...TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR
2) What wud u call a girl who never laughs??
Ans: Hasina
3) Who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad?
Ans: Sita with Ravan
4) What did the Kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?
Ans: Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya
5) An Elephant falls in luv with an Ant.but Ant's parents are against their marrige... guess why??
They gave a solid reason...**Ladke k daant bahar hain**
"Kansa heard Devaki's 8th son would kill him.So he put Devaki & Vasudev in prison."
1st child was born. Kansa killed him by poison.
2nd was born and Kansa killed him by sword.
3rd was born and so on...
At this point a boy raised his hand for a doubt.
Teacher : What?
Boy : "If Kansa knew that the 8th son would kill him, Why did he kept Devaki & Vasudev in same Jail?"
Teacher fainted !!
Generation gap, but common sense !
1) What is the cube of 13?
Ans : SUROOR
wondering how?
Thats bcoz...TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR
2) What wud u call a girl who never laughs??
Ans: Hasina
3) Who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad?
Ans: Sita with Ravan
4) What did the Kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?
Ans: Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya
5) An Elephant falls in luv with an Ant.but Ant's parents are against their marrige... guess why??
They gave a solid reason...**Ladke k daant bahar hain**
3 People after death reached heaven and were standing before the gates
1st person: I am Poojari and I served you all my life God, let me come inside.
God: Next....
2nd Person: I am a Doctor, I have saved lives of many people and served them... let me come inside...
God: Next....
3rd Person: I am an Engineer...
God: Enough, now don't let me get tears... I know you have spent all your life in hell, its your time to enter into heaven... come in...
1st person: I am Poojari and I served you all my life God, let me come inside.
God: Next....
2nd Person: I am a Doctor, I have saved lives of many people and served them... let me come inside...
God: Next....
3rd Person: I am an Engineer...
God: Enough, now don't let me get tears... I know you have spent all your life in hell, its your time to enter into heaven... come in...
BOSS in office : Okay guys, today we are going to play a game.....
When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the hall....
And when I say any color, you run to the left side of the hall....
One who runs on wrong side will not get the increment... got it ?
Employees : Yes Boss, Got it.
Boss : Okay...Ready, Set...
It is ..... "ORANGE" !
All Employees get fainted..
When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the hall....
And when I say any color, you run to the left side of the hall....
One who runs on wrong side will not get the increment... got it ?
Employees : Yes Boss, Got it.
Boss : Okay...Ready, Set...
It is ..... "ORANGE" !
All Employees get fainted..
Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (The woodcutter and the Axe), he started praying to the River Goddess.
The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were theTrillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers ". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium machine!!
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (The woodcutter and the Axe), he started praying to the River Goddess.
The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were theTrillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers ". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium machine!!
In Conference Call for Issue discussion
Caller1: Hi, this is Dheeraj from DBA Team.
* Silence * waiting for others to Join*
Caller2: Hi, this is Ajay from Backup & Storage Team.
* Silence * both waiting for others to Join*
Caller3: Hi, this is Shyam from Unix Team
* Silence * All waiting for others to Join*
Caller4: Hello, this is Kuldeep from Project Management.
* Silence * All waiting for others to Join*
Caller5 : Hi this is Ramesh from Network team.
* Silence * All waiting for others to join*
Caller6: Hi, this is Neha from Application Team.
Then all the callers replied:
Hi Neha,
Good Morning Neha
Hello Neha
Hi Neha
Hi Neha
Caller1: Hi, this is Dheeraj from DBA Team.
* Silence * waiting for others to Join*
Caller2: Hi, this is Ajay from Backup & Storage Team.
* Silence * both waiting for others to Join*
Caller3: Hi, this is Shyam from Unix Team
* Silence * All waiting for others to Join*
Caller4: Hello, this is Kuldeep from Project Management.
* Silence * All waiting for others to Join*
Caller5 : Hi this is Ramesh from Network team.
* Silence * All waiting for others to join*
Caller6: Hi, this is Neha from Application Team.
Then all the callers replied:
Hi Neha,
Good Morning Neha
Hello Neha
Hi Neha
Hi Neha
Pappu met up with his close friend Bunty and told him that he had just met the girl of his dreams. He asked Bunty for advise on how he should proceed!
The wise and experienced man of the world, Bunty said, "Well, send her roses, and on the name card invite her for a home-cooked meal."
Pappu liked the idea, so he followed Bunty's advice and invited the woman. Next day after the dinner Bunty called Pappu and asked him how did the home-cooked dinner go.
Pappu cried, "It was a complete flop."
Bunty asked, "Why? Didn't the girl come to your house?"
Pappu replied, "She came, but she refused to cook and left angrily!"
The wise and experienced man of the world, Bunty said, "Well, send her roses, and on the name card invite her for a home-cooked meal."
Pappu liked the idea, so he followed Bunty's advice and invited the woman. Next day after the dinner Bunty called Pappu and asked him how did the home-cooked dinner go.
Pappu cried, "It was a complete flop."
Bunty asked, "Why? Didn't the girl come to your house?"
Pappu replied, "She came, but she refused to cook and left angrily!"
Pappu commented on a girl's DP
Pappu: Your DP is awesome!
Girl: Awwww... Thank you.
Pappu: Mujhe Bhi Sikha Do Aise Hi Photoshop Karna!
*Blocked*
Pappu: Your DP is awesome!
Girl: Awwww... Thank you.
Pappu: Mujhe Bhi Sikha Do Aise Hi Photoshop Karna!
*Blocked*
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
For a couple of years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job,
but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 1.88 million people in hospitals, leaving 12,12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 12,11,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes!
but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 1.88 million people in hospitals, leaving 12,12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 12,11,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes!
A Man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.He decides to test it at dinner.
Dad: Son, where were you today during school hrs?
Son: At School - (Robot slaps son)
Son: I went to movie
Dad: Which One?
Son: Toy Story - (Robot slaps son again)
Son: Ok, it was Day with a Porn Star
Dad: What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was! (Robot slaps dad)
Mom: Hahaha...! After all he is your son. (Robot slaps mom)
Son: At School - (Robot slaps son)
Son: I went to movie
Dad: Which One?
Son: Toy Story - (Robot slaps son again)
Son: Ok, it was Day with a Porn Star
Dad: What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was! (Robot slaps dad)
Mom: Hahaha...! After all he is your son. (Robot slaps mom)
In Heaven, God told all Husbands & Wives to gather for a Meeting!
He told the men to stand in two Queues
God said, "So you control your wife?"
Man : "R U Crazy??? My Wife told me to stand here
He told the men to stand in two Queues
1) Those who are controlled by their wives
2) Those who control their Wives
Only 1 man stood in the second Queue..2) Those who control their Wives
God said, "So you control your wife?"
Man : "R U Crazy??? My Wife told me to stand here
Boy1:Meet my wife Tina
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1:How?
Boy2:v were caught sleeping together
Boy1:What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in maths class
Think +ve:)
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1:How?
Boy2:v were caught sleeping together
Boy1:What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in maths class
Think +ve:)
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